Fun Friday, Part II – The Nobel Peace Prize

How funny is this? When I read the news about the Nobel Peace Prize this morning I couldn’t stop laughing and I’ve been thinking so hard, what has Obama done to deserve this Nobel Peace Prize?

I thought the Nobel Peace Prize is that they are about achievement (I like to hope it is for good achievement, but after Al Gore . . . I don’t know anymore!). The more and more I think about it, well, is not really Obama’s fault that he wins the Nobel Peace Prize or whether or not he deserves it or the fact that we still have war in the womb, but how idiotic the Peace Prize Committees are! Are they desperate? Is ACORN in the committee? Is it the hope & change thing? Did they feel sorry for him because he didn’t win the Olympic bids for 2016? But, it can’t be the Olympic thing, because the committee voted on February 1st 2009, two weeks after he took office. 

I couldn’t come up with anything and my conclusion is, the Peace Prize Committees has lowered their standard and has cheapening the purpose of the award!

UPDATE: It shows that I’m not alone, Creative Minority Report congratulated Obama!

UPDATE II: From Times Online in UK; absurd decision on Obama makes a mockery of the Nobel peace prize

Weekly Joke – Only In America . . .

1. . . . can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. . . . are there handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks.

3. . . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. . . . do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.

5. . . . do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. . . . do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. . . . do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. . . . do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Weekly Joke – A Woman and A Hairdresser

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: 

"Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old their flight attendants are ugly,  and they're Always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." 

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . 

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. 
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" 

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the pope." 

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. 
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." 

"Oh, really!  What'd he say?"

He said: "Who messed up your hair?"

Weekly Joke – An Amish Farmer

An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: "Trink das Wasser nicht. Die Kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means:
"Don't drink the water, the cows have sh!t in it."

The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I do not understand your gibberish... Speak English, infidel!"

The Amish man calmly says: "Use two hands, and you'll get more!"

Weekly Joke – Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate is Under-Qualified

Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing".

8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy".

7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.

6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.

5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"

4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?"

Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.

2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"

On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a lifeline.

Weekly Joke - Ten Dollars Is Ten Dollars

A man and a woman go to the carnival every year. Every time the man says,"Anna can we ride them airplanes that goes up for a couple of minutes then comes back down?"

The woman always replied by saying,"We don’t need to spend any extra money on them airplanes,its to expensive.Ten dollars is ten dollars.

Tom, the pilot, said, “Larry, every year I hear you say you want to ride my airplanes, and every year Anna says it’s too expensive. I’ll make you a deal, if I do all of my flips and tricks with you in there with me, and you don’t say one word, I’ll give you the ride for free.
Anna and Larry discussed it and decided they would take the deal.They got up in the air and Tom did all of his tricks and flips.

Tom said, "Larry I just knew you`d say something on that first flip,but you didn’t!

Larry replied, “I was going to say something when Anna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.

Post from Bracebridge, Canada

Weekly Joke - What Is The Highest Number?

One day Jimmy went up to his father and asked,
"Daddy, what's the highest number?"
his daddy said,
"Well, I'm not exactly sure, but i think it's in the stimulus package.

Weekly Joke - Government Purchasing Specifications

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or  plastic centered around the hole.

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.

3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.

N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.

6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.

7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe.

8. All pipe over 6" (152mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.

9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.

11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.

12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.

Weekly Joke - Wedding Colors

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?"

Weekly Joke – Homeless

A republican, a libertarian and a democrat were having lunch in a family restaurant one winter day when a bum with long hair and a scraggly beard came in and sat down at a corner table. The waitress walked by him several times, ignoring him, “Excuse me," asked the conservative to his waitress, “but why are you ignoring that man?”
“Oh, he’s one of the local homeless,” replied the waitress. “He has no money and never orders anything, but the boss let’s him come in to get warm.”
“Well, get him some soup and a sandwich and put it on my bill,” instructed  the republican.
“And something to drink. Some milk perhaps,” chimed in the libertarian.
“And pie for dessert,” offered the liberal. “I’ll cover that.”
So the waitress brought all the food over to the homeless one, who ate heartily of it. When he was finished the homeless man came over to his benefactors and  said, “I am Jesus, the Christ. You have given me food when I am hungry and drink for my thirst. I will reward for this.” He placed his hand on the republican and said, “You have arthritis. It is gone and shall never bother you again.”
Next he turned to the libertarian and placed his hand upon him. “You have migraine headaches. Never again will you suffer from any headache.”

Finally he turned to the democrat. 
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” screamed the democrat.
“I’M ON DISABILITY!”

Weekly Joke - Missing

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the Archangel, found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,"

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world.

They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."

Weekly Joke - Envelopes

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." Morris called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes." ...

Weekly Joke - Penthouse In Heaven

The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters - a tiny one bedroom apartment.
The Pope is horrified and demands to know why he doesn't have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.
Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.
"A lawyer," says the Pope. "But I'm the Pope, surely I'm more important than a lawyer!"
"With respect Sir," says Saint Peter, "We have lots of Pope's up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!"

Weekly Joke – An Elderly Dying Priest

Since it is Good Friday, I thought this joke would be appropriate for today. Thanks to Patrick Madrid, he had this posted on his blog last week.

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An Elderly Priest Get’s His Dying Wish

An old Catholic priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital, Washington, D.C. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die," whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Harry and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Harry commented to Nancy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Nancy couldn't help but agree.

When they arrived at the dying man's room, the priest took Nancy's hand in his right hand and Harry's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity settled across the old priest's face.

Finally Nancy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied. "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." His voice trailed off . . .

After a brief pause, he continued . . . "The Lord died between two lying thieves, and I would like to do the same."

Weekly Joke - "saint" Nancy Pelosi?

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Catholic Cardinal-Archbishop of Washington, D.C.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "What have you been smoking, Sonny? No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's view. Maybe--heh-heh--you should try that in, say, Chicago?" 

Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, 'priest' ... I know yer' soft-spot ... I'll write a check, here and now, for a donation of $100,000 to your Archdiocese if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

The aide sneered: "Ah, ha! Gotch'a, 'priest'! Seller-outer! Prince of 'the Church', eh? PPffft! Opportunistic, typical sell-out-for-a buck PRIEST!!! My 'boss' will have lotsa fun with this---best 100k we ever spent! But, for now ... you enjoy the dough--'priest'--, and, uh, we'll just love your sermon! Heh-heh-heh."

The cardinal just smiled. And, of course, took the money. As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle. And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation:

"While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person.  Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views.  Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit.  Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California.  She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to legislators likeTed Kennedy, Barney Frank, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."